To sir, with love.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

This year marks four years of my love with complications.

If I take you back four years ago, you would not believe how juvenile we were; starting out as friends to this one-sided love I have gone on to. But of course, I never knew it was one-sided during the time. I had my insecurities when I was young, and you were the very first to make me forget all of those. You were two or three years older than me and I knew nothing better. My admiration came to liking you, liking turned love. 

All those romantic movies and novels made me think I am inside one. I never questioned our relationship. I just know I am special to you, that you, not knowing any of these feelings of mine was okay, that prolonging such an undefined relationship will get an answer in time. 

Holding hands, hugging tight, countless dates, abusing the words "I love you" -- yes, we have been like that, for one or two years. You, leading me on, making me feel I was special, making me feel I was the only one, had been one of the greatest feelings I've ever felt to date. 

All the hurtful things that you do meant nothing. I endured, because I know everything will be okay.

Oh what a foolish, young heart.

Because even if you had someone at your side already, I never left yours and stayed. I insisted, that we will still be okay even if my ways were wrongly. How much I fought for my feelings was beyond measure.

Hurting, hurting, and more hurting.The constant pain inflicted upon me had numbed me from feelings. Even if I did not want to give up, I could not hold on anymore and I had to let you go. That is the most hurtful thing I ever had to do for myself.

Although I had learned to move on, learned to love another, I believe I was never the same again.

Always doubting the uncertainty, fearing hurt and rejection. 

For I know that up to now, you still don't know these feelings of mine ever existed. 

It's like trying to recover from something that was only real to me.

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