Monday, December 31, 2012

I give my salutations to the man who was responsible for inventing time. We human beings like to dedicate a day to celebrate something. Birthdays. Christmas. Valentines. Labor Day. Mother's Day. Father's Day. Halloween. International Pizza Day. International Day of the Nacho. The list of 'the-most-awesome-snacks-worth-celebrating' goes on. By the 1st of January, we, altogether, celebrate life. Before the clock strikes at twelve, we start to time travel waaaaaay back in.. (well, it actually depends how much of a sentimental person you are). 

This year, I promised that I will forgive myself for the biggest screw up in my nineteen years of existence. I have grown tired of lamenting over it on very random nights. Objectively, what I've been doing is futile and foolish. I feel like a broken record already for I have retold this tale to my friends countless of times. Up to now, it all still feels vivid. I never reckoned that what happened will cause me so much trouble and pain enough for me to carry for years. I thought that if I learn to forget it, I will be fine and it won't change me. But it influenced me badly -- turned unfeeling and selfish (thank you for pointing that out, mom, best friend, friends), my relationship with my family and others have been rocky. I never meant to be unfeeling and selfish. It was supposed to be a facade so people will not ought I am so weak. But hey, my long-time pretending turned to reality. I often wonder what happened to the sweet, selfless kid that was once me. On the process, I realized that I will never ever forget what happened. But the least I could do was to cut myself some slack. No, not just some. I need to completely let go and stop the self-loathing. Right now, I'm regaining self-worth. "I am too fucking awesome to be drowned in my nostalgia." 

The last day of the year simply exists to remind us the good things and happy memories and appreciate them; that we still have a chance for whatever we have screwed up -- life goes on and so must we.

It's the last day. Make it count ▲:-)

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