on waking up

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Here comes the sun, du-dun-du-dun-- stop that Beatles tune.

That 'good-morning-to-me-sunshine!' moment when you are supposedly bathed in golden light does not exist. The morning does not come with finches greeting you with their songs by the windowsill. 

The second you realize you're no longer lingering in the abyss of your subconsciousness, your mind does a very cluttered set of mental gymnastics:

It starts with dreams. The common mental displacement from your waking would be the recalling of the dream. If it was a good dream -- you unwittingly wear this stupid smile on your face as you keep your eyes tightly shut, hoping you fall asleep again and return to your fantasies. You wish it was real. You hope it was real. You want for it to happen. That's all that matters right now. But to your dismay, it doesn't. It was all in your head.

But if it was a nightmare, you solemnly wonder about it for a while. The universal question "why?" becomes the only word your vocabulary seems to have. The nightmare could be a begetting omen that will run for the entirety of your day. Whether they come from your excruciating memories you still bear to this day, or your irrational fears you can never seem to get over with -- the same scenes vividly repeat as if it was all happening, again. It all feels real. Even if you're at the first second of your waking, it still feels real. You begin to over-think.

When you finally realized that it was all in your head, you curse under your breath for the unnecessary emotions (also, the unnecessary tears you shed thus your wet pillow)  that were bound to you -- but alas, you thank the cosmos that it was not real. 

And if you're that unfortunate being who did not get to have their visual and surreal acid trip in their sleep, you are actually fortunate that you are saved from the whole emotional stuff you get from dreams. Instead, you begin to ponder or self-reflect for the next twenty minutes after your waking. You think, think, think. You think about the last person you talked to, the last thing you did, the last song that played in your iPod before you sleep, the breakfast you will eat, the things you should do, and of course you question yourself, "what will happen today?" it's when yesterday and later matter together

You open your mobile phone. It's 11:19 a.m. You just got eleven text messages that all say "WHERE ON EARTH ARE YOU" and seven missed calls from your friend since 8 a.m. Your mind stops thinking as you get up from bed, and you got a feeling that you will have a good, one-of-a-kind day.

Congratulations, you are now officially awake. 

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